Wednesday, 29 January 2014

Why "No one can make you happy except yourself" is a Lie

the sun tarot of quotes
Tarot of Quotes
In woo world everyone tells you that happiness comes from within.

To a certain extent that is true, but some spiritual gurus go further and proclaim "no one can make you happy except yourself". That's a lie, regardless how much new age waffle they use to try to convince you.

Why else do we enter into relationships and friendships?

We have people in our lives that make us happy - lover/ partner, children, friends etc. They love, inspire and support us.

They lift us up, when we feel down.

With them we enjoy companionship, have a sense of belonging and experience exciting adventures on our life journey together.

Those special people can make us immensely fulfilled and give our life meaning. Why don't we admit that, rather than trying to enforce some pseudo-spiritual self-sufficiency that doesn't agree with human nature?

I admit that some people in my life make me happy, and there is one person, who makes me VERY happy. I'm so happy they are in my life. Without them, my life would be dull and empty, and not the biggest amount of self-love and I-don't-need-anyone-denial would make things better.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not endorsing vampiric co-dependency, and sometimes those, who make us happy set us challenges, too. But our healthy relationships make us happy...deeply. Our lives would be bleaker without them.

People can make you happy. Let them. And you make them happy in return with the love you give. What's wrong with that?

Warmest wishes,


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  1. Hi Christiane
    I agree; people do make me happy, especially the ones I love. It is okay to need them and to be needed as long as I don't make them responsible for my happiness or they make me responsible for theirs. that would be suffocating.

    1. That's an interesting point, Helen. Responsibility is limited to action, how they treat us, and how we treat them, which can influence our degree of happiness. Personally, I do feel I have some responsibility for my loved ones' happiness; that's why I strive to contribute towards it with my actions, e.g. treating them with loving kindness etc. In healthy relationships, this is mutual and flows naturally, so it shouldn't feel suffocating. If it does, then needs may have turned into neediness, and that's not good at all, I agree.

    2. Needs and neediness: I didn't knew that subtle difference in English yet :)

    3. Hehe... ;) we all have needs, but when we start craving, or become overly attached to those needs making us happy, then they turn into neediness. For example, in a relationship neediness would be expressed by being clingy and possessive. Happiness would then depend on the person we are attached to, which can be draining and suffocating for both parties.


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