Thursday, 19 April 2012

When Love is Lost - Tips on How to Recover from a Break-Up

Relationships break down for many reasons. From the briefest of affairs to a long-term relationship, as long as your heart was in it and you expected it to last, you are likely to feel the emotional pain, an overwhelming sense of loss that can pull you into a state of depression unless you have the determination and willpower to heal from this experience and move on.

As a Tarot reader I often get asked questions like "Will he come back to me?" and "Will he get in touch again?" 

The answer is most often *no", sometimes "perhaps", and even if it was "yes", what are you going to do in the meantime?


Putting your life on hold? 

Being miserable? 

Counting the days?  

Turn into Miss Haversham?

Or would you rather get on with your life without the cretin, who broke your heart, embark on a new exciting adventure and find new love along the way?

If you have the urge to ask the above questions, then it may reveal the following about you: the break-up happened recently, you feel hurt and are on a low, and most likely you haven't moved on yet. You may even be hopeful to get some good news, positive answers to your questions, but rather than asking questions that hold you back in the past, here are some more empowering ways to help you overcome your heartache and get back on track towards new and positive opportunities ahead:

1. Accept it's over. He won't call, and he won't be coming back again (and if in the unlikely event he did, then that would be an interesting surprise!). Acceptance creates clarity, and you regain power over the situation, rather than letting him control you with the decision he's made. Yes, the ending is a blow, you miss him, but the world is still spinning, which is good news after all.

2. Try not to remember the good times you shared; this can be deceptive, and it can hold you back in the past. After all, your relationship broke down for a reason, and that reason (or even more than one) wasn't the lovely times you shared and the fun you had together. Instead, let your logic work out what went wrong. Remind yourself of the bad times and quarrels you had. After a while you will realise the ending was for the best, and it makes sense.

3. You need to focus on a positive future ahead. Every minute of the day you need to remind yourself that you will be happy again, and that new love will enter your life again in good time. Do something every day, that cheers you up and makes you feel good.

4. Avoid succumbing to negative thoughts and self-pity. If you find yourself regressing into depressive thoughts and memories of your lost relationship, stop there and then and ask yourself to postpone thinking about it until a more convenient time later in the day. Set a specific time, and keep those moments short, perhaps 5 - 10 minutes at the most.This is a tried and tested psychological tool; you don't ignore your issues, but at the same time you restrict the amount of negative thinking. Gradually those moments will get shorter and become less frequent, and you will start feeling better.

5. Learn to read Tarot cards! This is a magical opportunity to heal yourself through your grieving process with the help of the Tarot. Self-development and spiritual growth at times of adversity are the greatest gifts you can give yourself and will always be an enlightening legacy borne out of a negative experience.

There is no need to spend lengthy time of study to get almost immediate results; you can make a start with my eBook Empowering Messages from the Tarot, in which you will even find a link to download free Tarot card images for personal use. Start using the cards by pulling a card every day to answer the following question: What can I do today to help me heal and move on?

If you feel you want to invest more time into your Tarot studies, then you can also opt for personal online tuition. If you are going through a rough emotional time and want my Tarot Beginner's course to help you, then please let me know, and we can adapt the course accordingly. That's the beauty of personal, flexible, tailor-made tuition to suit your needs. You will discover that Tarot can be a great self-help, therapeutic and healing tool.

Last but not least, of course if you feel you need compassionate but impartial advice about your situation, then please do request a reading. It does help to get an insightful and empowering message into your inbox at emotionally difficult times. It may very well help you to start feeling better and get back on track.

Warmest wishes,


Please check out this wonderful video about how to get over "being dumped"; if you are in this position at the moment, you will find it helpful:

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  1. Hi Christiane - that's an interesting thought - try not to remember the good times you shared. I never really thought about them holding someone back. Good point :-)

    Ali x

    1. Hi Ali, thanks for stopping by ;) Yes, quite often it's counter-productive to dwell on the good times in the early stage after a break-up; I've found that many people fall into the nostalgia trap and they keep clinging on...;)

      Christiane x


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