Tuesday, 19 January 2016

Women, Know Your Worth!

angel of self-worth
Angels, Gods and Goddesses Oracle
(c) Toni C. Salerno 2003 
Having done so many Tarot readings addressing love and relationship issues over the years, I have noticed a distinct pattern: how women so readily settle for shitty relationships.

Yes, they are treated like shit and think that's normal or okay.

Women have the tendency to blame themselves for the way they are treated, and to a certain extent they're right.

They let it happen, because they think they shouldn't make a drama, complain or make some other kind of fuss.

Most likely, they'd be accused of being highly strung or having hormonal problems, and no woman wants to give that impression or have that reputation.

But here's the deal: women have to learn to set firm boundaries based on self-love; they need to realise their worth and make their relationship choices accordingly. And expressing emotions doesn't equal drama or PMT.

Here are some of the ill-treatments women put up with:

1. Lack of Communication

After weeks of dating and getting closer, suddenly the bloke doesn't get in touch any more. Total silence for days, but then out of the blue he makes contact again as if nothing has happened.

Unless this guy was in a coma or on a secret undercover mission working for MI6, then there is absolutely no excuse for this kind of behaviour, especially when this happens a couple of times.

If this has happened more than once, then it's time to ditch that player for good.

There are men out there, who consciously starve you of communication or time, so you keep wanting them more. Don't fall into this venus fly trap.

2. Two-Timing

I'm not talking cheating here (which of course is bad enough), but the woman actually being aware of another woman he is interested in.

Hello? Are you sure you want to nurture his ego by waiting for him to make a choice between you and the other?

Honestly, please... you don't have time for this. There is someone else out there for you, who would love you with all his heart and wouldn't treat you as an option or a stand-in.

This guy needs a reality check and realise he's not the only man on the planet. Tell him to make do with the other and block him completely out of your life.

3. Ambivalence

If after three months of dating, a man is still floating in and out of your life, prefers gaming, drugs, checking out other women and his mates over you, then it's time to kick that jerk in the butt and say "good riddance".

4. Passive Abuse

Physical abuse is clear-cut zero tolerance, and you should leave that relationship immediately, however, there is also the more subtle psychological abuse, which happens over time and can leave a woman full of self-doubt and with battered self-esteem.

I have written before about toxic relationships, which are emotionally draining and exhausting. They are the most difficult to get out of, because the symptoms tend to appear in a more established relationship, and emotional attachment makes is hard to let go.

Here's a question for you: 

When you stick with a shitty relationship, are you doing it because you want to please the man with your compliance and exceeding tolerance until he realises what a gem you are and changes his ways?

Trust me, he will never change, if you just let this happen to you. By ignoring your needs and not demanding the respect and attention you deserve, you just hand your personal power over to him. You are open to degradation and manipulation.

When women contact me for readings about their relationship issues, I don't know at that point what is going on in their lives, but the cards often tell me that something isn't quite right.

It is then up to me, an objective, neutral person from the outside to waive the red flag and help women recognise what is truly happening to them, and how they can make positive changes.

I urge all women to think about their boundaries carefully and realise that any kind of mistreatment as described above is NOT okay.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane



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2 comments:

  1. This is so true. When self esteem is low, negative behaviour is often attracted from both sexes. Toxicity tends to permeate through all types of relationships until steps are taken to put a stop to the viscious cycle. It is an ongoing commitment to setting boundaries on self and with others. I have a list of steps to remind me. For example, I choose to engage or limit my time with others unless they show respect for my feelings and opinions.

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    1. I'm glad you have a list of steps as a reminder, Chrystal! All women should have those, as sometimes it's easy to get entangled in this negative spiral without realising it at first. You're totally right about the vicious circle and how low self esteem attracts even more negative behaviour, and it's mindfulness and awareness that helps break this cycle. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

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