Friday, 7 November 2014

5 Reasons Why Your Relationships Don't Last

5 reasons why your relationships don't last
“Like some wines, our love could neither mature nor travel.”
Graham Greene, The Comedians


Picture this scenario:

Girl meets boy.
Girl and boy start dating.
Girl and boy getting on well.
Girl and boy getting close.
Girl and boy having fun.
Boy leaving girl.
Repeat.
Repeat.
Repeat.

Girl starts asking herself: " What the f*ck am I doing wrong?

Girl then asks me for a Tarot reading: "When will I meet my soul mate / the one / my twin flame / etc." (What the f*ck am I doing wrong would be the more empowering question)

(Feel free to amend above scenario by replacing boy with girl or girl with boy according to your sexual orientation. Flip girl/boy if you're a broken-hearted boy.)

If you can relate to this kind of cycle of repetitive unfortunate events, here are some possible reasons, why you haven't found your happy-ever-after love yet:
  1. You have an intense need for love and affection. Emphasis is on 'intense'. Feelings of loneliness are amplified, and until you finally stumble across Mr. or Mrs. Right, you will need to accept the situation, stop feeling pity for yourself and focus your energies on other activities you enjoy. And a good set of friends can give you a great deal of love and emotional support.
  2. You have low self-esteem. You don't feel complete without a loving companion by your side. You are longing for someone, who validates you. Someone you can travel with etc. But you need to learn that you are enough, whole and complete. You can travel on your own and end up having a better time than with some transient lover cooped up in a hotel bedroom all weekend.
  3. You have an inability to set boundaries. In the early stages of a relationship, before you get intimate, you need to be clear about what kind of relationship you both want, right down to the nitty-gritty details of sexual preferences. Sounds clinical perhaps talking about it, but trust me, it will save you from making some stupid mistakes. Bonus tip: Never assume anything.
  4. You have difficulty expressing anger. Probably because you're just too nice and accommodating. You don't want to make a fuss, or seem to be 'highly strung'. You may also tend to blame yourself for being too sensitive. But by not expressing yourself, you are only lowering your standards and become a pushover. 
  5. You ignore the warning signs that it won't last. Loverboy or girl no longer in touch as often as at the beginning? Still haven't introduced you to their parents / kids / friends yet after three months? Spending more time socialising without you? There are so many different signs you need to look out for. Tolerance may be your weakness here, and unless you put your foot down (see 3. and 4.) and end it on your terms, you will instead leave it in their power to treat you as they please. 
The question is now, how you can break the cycle and overcome your negative behavioural pattern, so you stop floating from one breakup to the next?

Why not ask the Tarot?

Shuffle your deck and pull a card for each question:
  • Which negative behavioural pattern do I need to change? (relates to any of the five above, but the card may offer a more specific answer)
  • What positive action can I take right now to shift my behaviour? 
  • What do I need to avoid?

Warmest wishes,

Christiane



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