Sunday, 16 March 2014

Will He Come Back To Me?

hanged man housewives tarot
Don't hang about when he's gone,
you've got better things to do.
Housewives Tarot
(c) Paul Kepple & Jude Buffum
Okay, girlfriend, so he dumped you, and you're devastated. You're in a bit of a shock and wonder, if this has really happened.

Surely, he must still love you and soon will regret his silly action of just walking out on you.

Surely, he will change his mind and come creeping back begging for forgiveness.

Let me tell you this, girlfriend:

In your dreams!

You really must be cruel to be kind to yourself and answer this question with a cutting but ultimately liberating

NO

He's gone.

Gone forever, and he won't return. Ever.

No need to ask for a Tarot reading to answer this question. 

Today is the first day of the rest of your life without him.

Accept that, girlfriend, and soon you'll realise it's for the best.

And please, don't beg him to stay or come back. That's so unattractive and won't do your self-worth any good. You'd be better off eating a tub of ice-cream.

Why on earth would you want someone back, who hurt you this much anyway?

Yes, of course, I know: you still love him (or perhaps just the idea of him?).

And it's so hard to let go of that love. So hard to face and embrace that pain of loss. It takes inner strength, perseverance, tears, some good friends and lots of self-care to do that.

Won't happen quickly, but believe me, girlfriend: you can do it!

That's what you need to focus on rather than wondering, if he'll come back to you. Otherwise, time will stand still for you. You will put your life on hold whilst waiting and hoping he'll be back one day.

Face it now: he's gone.

Detaching yourself emotionally is the best you can do right now to avoid weeks and months of misery.

But what, if the answer was YES?

Would that make you feel happy and you'd gladly wait for him to return? Would you really want him back as if nothing had happened? Think about this for a moment...

Yes, on rare occasions they do come back, but often for reasons other than unconditional love for you. He may come back because:
  • he is insecure
  • has low self-esteem
  • he needs you to make him feel good about himself
  • another relationship didn't work out
  • he'd rather be with anyone than being alone, and he knows you still want him
  • unresolved emotional issues
  • he just wants to be friends (often with benefits)
  • he doesn't really know what he wants (and may soon be off again)
And on the even rarer occasion, he will have realised he's made a terrible mistake and will want to return for good.

Yes, sometimes this happens.

Yes, sometimes there are happy reunions and not-so-happy reunions.

But will this warmed-up relationship be blessed with happy-ever-after or cursed with lingering tension and trust issues?

So, if he does turn up on your doorstep again, here are some really interesting questions you could ask the Tarot:

1. What is in it for me?
2. What will I gain?
3. What will I lose?
4. How will taking him back affect my life?
5. How will rejecting him affect my life?

And of course, don't forget to communicate directly and ask him straight, why the hell he's come back, and what are his lame excuses for leaving you in the first place, and what has changed his mind.

Evaluate his answers carefully. You can even use the Tarot to validate them and explore his true intentions.

And before you rush in determined to make the same mistake twice, give it time. Re-connect as friends only. See, if what he said and promised to win you over, he is putting into action.

Once broken, trust is hard to rebuild. A walk-out always causes damage to a relationship even with the best intentions to repair it when reunited. It doesn't always work. You need to be aware of that.

To summarise, will he come back to you?

No.

Don't hang on to false hope putting your life on hold. Focus on getting over it and on with your life. So many new opportunities for you out there in good time.

But if he does come back, do get in touch, and we can explore your options together.

Warmest wishes,

Christiane 



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2 comments:

  1. Great post. A bit cynical but all together true. I wish women would realize men mean what they say and they have no hidden agenda's They are less complicated then we sometimes hope they would be.
    I have outgrown the needy fase of my life but I do have to adolescent daughters HELP!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehe...all you can do is give advice to your daughters, and hopefully they listen, but they will also need to have their own experiences to learn from. It can be tough for a mother to watch them ;)

      Delete

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